MY CURRENT AMBITION... my current wish... my current want...

IS TO BE A NERD AS LONG AS MY NERVES CAN HELP IT.

=D  ¶ 9:51 PM 0 comments

  wayne! hehe...wala lang...sabi ko comment lang =D

pero encrypted din yung post mo...
makes me think of someone... harharhar =D

love you Wayne!
love you Gissie!

hehehehehe...

"I'm on a high" --> see my friendster =)  ¶ 3:13 PM 0 comments

  kayang turuan ang puso... commentary lang po...

someone said/implied: It is better to lose a friend than fall for a person for whatever reason... or say it is better to lose a friend than fall in love for someone you don't feel like falling in love with...

hmmm... I think that is not the only solution to the situation. If someone likes you, isn't that a compliment? Why should you then lose that friend? Like as if you only have two choices, lose that friend or fall in love... No... Why not let things be until it has been disclosed to you that such a friend likes you, and then just say it gently that you can't equate that feeling or that you are not interested. Afterwards, add you don't want to lose the friendship. Friendship is a wonderful thing, a treasure, a gift from God, why lose it just because you assume that this someone likes you and you can't like that someone back? I've had friends in the Philippines who did just what I said (and I actually learned it from them). Guess what? They didn't lose that friend, some have remained friends while others became great friends although each of them are living their lives with someone else they found along the way... And oh, remaining single can also be there.
Don't panic and do drastic measures that could hurt people even though they have not harmed you. Stay cool and think what's really best for all, not just yourself...

I'm affected. Made me reminisce some things. Just some things.

the power to say "no" rocks, just use it properly...(haha...im not much of an expert though...)  ¶ 7:55 PM 3 comments

  the fourth day.... i have wasted yet another day... 4 out of 5 days of my midterm break all went to the drain. I did not study for my midterm test next week neither did I opened my GEM book to kick start my 2000-word essay which comprises much of the over-all grade. Yawn... Now I am left to complain what's with this bloody wasting of time I'm doing... Blaming myself and all but not doing anything to snap me out of this laziness... sigh... I don't know. Maybe it's all because Im too complacent or just got rubbed off with all the pressures of which I now deem normal and don't even scare me a bit. I wish I was like Kor who does things better when under pressure. The mere fact that the pressures don't affect me as much as before only means that I am a bit hopeless to wake up from this laid back perception...

But really... I am still mighty proud of my God who gives me undeserved grace until now.

I want to stop my nonsense. Now... All I need is to get back all the time I've wasted, but that again is another nonsense. I should go on. I don't want to wait another day for a good start, but it seems like I would do just as that. Think about it. I'm such a lazy lazy student. Incomparably lazy compared to all the Filipinos in NUS. and maybe in Singapore universities!
I should be bloody ashamed of myself.... But Im pathetically not.... not one bit...
reminds me of Shikamaru in Naruto anime... But the big difference is that he got an IQ of 200 while maybe I got a meager 50! =D... haha... he's too smart for anything, I'm too lazy and stubborn for anything!

maybe I should go marry a billionaire! =D

lol... no...not now... now that im officially attached =P.  ¶ 4:43 PM 1 comments

  great news! my beloved cousin gave birth to an angel! Rianna Jazmine =)
my gosh! I so wanted to go back home and give her baby a kiss!


awww... isn't she an angel?

^_^ and Im a proud tita =)!!!!!  ¶ 9:44 AM 1 comments

  leyte landslide 200 school children and about 1000 plus adults feared dead...

...  ¶ 12:51 PM 0 comments

  can somebody slap me? I've been downright lazy... I don't want to do anything... But I got to be reminded that I still have 2 midterms after the sembreak and a term paper to submit!
I have missed gazzilions of lectures. And a whole lot of things to do!

It is not yet over!

NOT YET...

p.s. everyone is struggling so it seems... no, not just in academics but in the many aspects of life in general. all i can say to those with me, this is how it is to live here. And really, it is more fulfilling to be alive, mixed with all emotions... And no, you are not the only one. People have passed what you are going through, you might need help, don't hesitate and let your pride get in the way, just ask...

p.s.s.
i've read my past year and even 2004's blog entries... i just realized how different I write now. If you ask me, i think I was more sensible back then than now, when all I write is about nothing really, but mere emotions mixing up with life. In the past, I write with fervor. I really write how I feel, not much with holding back... It is possible that I am worn out, but I guess I should blame that to myself. Or is it because I already have someone to talk to and I have less thoughts to blog since I've already chatted my concerns with that person? Maybe... He is a good conversationalist. really... But I guess I should give space for myself as well that is not directly linked to him, this blog I should say (he doesn't even read this! ha! good one. and by now I know he forgot the address =P.. guys generally forget details like this =D ). But then again, i also just realized that it is hard to talk seriously with people... Sometimes if not most of the time you have to initiate.. People don't open up as much. But really, how can friends bond with just shallow topics everytime? How can one find real people when they don't talk about real things that happen in one another's life? How can people live with superficiality all the time? I think it is hard. But I am quite surprised to find new friends and when they speak of life, I was wonderfully amused of their maturity. They made it appear that sometimes mature people mask themselves in a comical character, it is not because they take life too lightly but because they realized that it is indeed better to see more smiling faces around =D. I saw real friends in them... really... people you can rely on, people you can talk real things with, and would even dare to sentimentally speak of things that are very sensible... Things that you can't even imagine a seemingly happy-go-lucky person would talk and do for a friend. Pretty amusing indeed. People who may seem to loaf around can be more mature than those who appear matured. ^_^ actually, I observed that some of those who try to appear matured got a lot of insecurities inside that they don't want others to deem them shallow if they try to loaf around like the former... No... they don't even know they are insecure. Just talk to them and you'd realize their principles revolve around some insecurities!  ¶ 10:34 AM 0 comments

  over? over... UCC stuff only wat...

school stuff is heaping up!

waaa...

but thank God it's over!
really!  ¶ 12:15 PM 0 comments

  hinga muna inhale... exhale...
yey! my 3 midterms are over and done with even if I screwed up the last paper... So for the week, I only have the stage crew left.

I went to UCC theatre the other night to have a glimpse of our dear stage set... It was... WOW! hahaha... I'm proud of the stage crew people for doing such a fab set!

If anyone wants to check it out, come to KR hall play, tonight and tomorrow night... And about the whole play itself, I have not seen the whole thing, but anyways, it should be alrite... but I LURVE the set! (ehhehehe it shows how biased I am...but honestly, i think it really looked nice =) )....

so ja! me have to meet a friend who's leaving for hongkong in a few hours' time...

and hmmm... I want to go for Japan VIP and work for FEDEX and get paid with S$1500 per month! waaaaaa..... I just don't know Nihonggo! huhuhuhuhuhuhuhhu................

it's there but it's not....=( =( =(

Lord... what shall I do?  ¶ 11:30 AM 2 comments

  unfair Provoke a loud person and you'll get a slap on your face.
Provoke a person who's keeping her peace, God save you.

I am pissed.
Unfair!
To the Mauritius group who performed and got pissed, we are sorry for not giving you the honor of the last finale (were your heads too Big to accept a little demotion AFTER YEARS OF DOING THE FINALE? I dunno... MY GOSH, IT IS UCC NOT PGP! no offense to PGP, but you have to accept the fact that UCC is something bigger when it comes to performances (or so many people agrees).)And sorry if by chance any of the ISS main comm yelled at you, you probably just didn't feel the pressure and understand what you had to do, and didn't know who the people who's working for the ISS were like. I was hoping you guys would be more understanding for you seem to be a relaxed bunch. Pride was all you had to fight for, while us, everything. Thank you for all the headaches you caused us, for changing the tech requirements last minute, for not coming on time, for contributing to the long b/o, for the phone bills as well, and more... You were indeed giving the show for free and we are just like giving you some points and chance to perform in UCC to show the people there all your glory and that you exist. It was a challenge working with you in the later times... I wonder if you ever thought how much the ISS main comm have gone through... Gosh I wanted to forget everything after ISS, but thanks a lot, now I have an additional headache during my morbid week. Thanks for making it more miserable for me. How sensitive and caring of you!

To IRC. Indian or International, whatever! First of all, about committees, if you don't work for it and mingle with people you can't just expect it to work for you and mingle for you since it would never work no matter how hard the committee would try to. No it is not a perfect committee but for goodness' sake have you tried looking backstage? Didn't you see how way heavier the load of people in position are doing aside from how you see them on meetings? Of course you don't! Because you only look at what you are doing and compare it to the usual times when you don't do anything, then complain. And to those complaining about the subcomm, you are called the subcomm head and it is expected that you handle those under you. Can't you understand that system? It is the way NUSSU works, so does NUSSU-IRC, now wth are you doing in this committee if you don't understand that simple heirarchy? Why do people love to look at your situations and forget that this world is composed of many other beings LIKE YOU and even beings who are worse off than you? Please... be a little more human and understand... we are no longer teens, we are becoming adults here! and for goodness' sake I don't want to write another post like this... Im just venting out my fury... You do not know how I'm like when totally provoked... No you would never want to...
btw, Wayne... Thanks... (no this is not sarcasm)

To the Filipino group. Salamat. You did well... But really, please forgive and understand Divya. If not for her, ISS would be far less better if not impossible; and you won't be receiving such glory from ISS. "Oh sun where is your glory if not for the thunderstorm?" I dunno if ever it would be better if the stage coordinator is not her but then again the experience was not even good for her... You had no idea how much blows she had received, she was just trying to be firm because she doesn't want the show to fail. I thank her though... I know she doesn't want to hurt people but she doesn't want to hurt the show as well which I guess if she did, she could have harmed more... Understand that serious shows are like that, stress is given.. Be more understanding. But I thank you on how you fared, and how you forget and be happy in the end... If there is
something wonderful about the Filipinos, they just know how to smile in the end...
P.S. Thanks Karen and Wayne and all those who performed... (this is not sarcasm either)

That's it muna... I'm just venting out...
I do not want to be a monster...
But i think the world needs to be a little more understanding and fair...  ¶ 2:24 AM 0 comments

  the morbid sixth week THANK GOD ISS IS OVER! THANK HIM for all the ups and downs and downs and ups... from unfunded to funded, from scratch to something, from stress to relief...
backstage people... is fun ^_^. Now I get to learn how to manipulate those huge sound manipulating machines, how to somehow make a shrill voice sound better, how to increase bass, mute mikes, fade in, play stuff... I did some screw up but I guess accdg to my friend, it was forgettable since she forgot about it =)....whew!
Oh and it was fun working with Shyam, a DJ, owner of his own concert-making company and all...I dunno though why he worked in UCC for a $20 per hour fee, but anyway, he is a jolly Indian Singaporean...Although Rohit said I was flirting with him, I was just unusually talkative with a person I just met maybe because he was unusually comfortable to be with (for a first impression) and not xenophobic as Wayne would term it... He drew a face on my hand since he was bored for a while... But over-all I was just annoying him with all the petty questions regarding sound engineering (of which I truly have no idea about except for the waves that enters those machines! and I knew they were pretty petty for an expert like him)... I was like a very ignorant girl who got lost in the sound box!

Oh and in addition to that, I'd like to thank Karen and the Pinoy group for pulling it off!!! Well done! Actually 1 out of the 4 events people were confident about the Pinoy group, and obviously that is me... hehe ^_^. I wasn't worried about the performance at all and my colleagues are just hey-ivy-can-you-make-sure-they-turn-up-because-we-really-wanted-to-see-the-whole-performance kind of reactions, the only thing I worried about was whether I'd play the right music on time... I did try to convince them that the group already finished the thing, but I guess they were never convinced because they have never seen the whole performance due to unforeseen turn-ups on actual rehearsal dates (and maybe because Im bad at reason and persuasion!).Divya actually admitted in one of our meetings that she loved the part where the enemy--> Brian would turn up, but then she later showed her concern about the Filipino group not pulling off well during rehearsals.

I just want to apologize though for her (Divya) apparently blatant remarks and actions... All I can say is that she's just like that, a so-called "control-freak" --> a person so desperate of putting things under control but I guess not freak as a byword. She just did those because they're basically for the good of the show, and she didn't care if she annoys anyone as long as the show would pull off (of which the didn't care part I strongly disagree with--> I've worked with people like that and I know how it feels to be stepped on). AND obviously she is not soft-spoken. She's smart actually, loud and dominating which somehow cringed me a bit at the start (i have seen her before and her presence, wherever she is, is felt) because I might not get along with her well enough at least until ISS but goodie, just letting her do the talking and doing what I believe must be done did the trick. ^_^. She's nice to nice people--> accdg to someone who knows her and which I actually agree with. Arguing with her is a big NO-NO but just discuss things in a bluntly purely discussional manner... Do not involve extreme negative emotions! Be serious and be a stone if possible! =D

Oh my GULAY! sixth week is here! due to ISS I NEVER HAD TIME TO STUDY FOR MY 3 MIDTERM TESTS! one is tomorrow, second is wednesay and third on friday...
3 labs too... and I am mortified for my biochem lab because it has been long since I did something bio or chem for that matter, last lab I even forgot how to balance equations!!!
AND IN ADDITION TO THAT --> HALL PRODUCTION WEEK! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

But even if I did miss church (yes...an awful sacrifice...) I pray that He will keep me whole/intact without losing my bearings at the end of this week... I guess it is up to Him na... Bahala siya... ^_^... well it is just like that because many important things in life are beyond our control, and the best thing to do is just to leave it up to him...

BTW! vote for my niece! (parang pinsan na rin kasi medjo di malayo gap namin and magpinsan trato namin sa isa't-isa...di auntie and pamangkin! nyahahahaha!)

JAZZLE GOMEZ -- http://www.msteenphilsscmin.com/candidates.php?cid=3
vote vote na! refresh niyo lang after voting =D one vote per computer a day daw... pero medjo may error somewhere...


---so help me God...  ¶ 7:02 AM 0 comments

  dark? No one knows I'm there...but i guess now they do? or is it just gloomy outside for me to think this way?

let me die waiting for Your salvation
just don't let me go...

cynic me talking? or is it really me?

somehow I'd like to think I have no family here, or maybe it is just because of the trials I'm facing. I know I'm not the only one. But... I'm beginning to believe someone who once said this..." In the end, we are alone."
Is that really true? I need to know, so I may at least have an idea what to do next. By default it is a yes, but I'm hoping that I'm wrong.

Lord let me see you for I am blind...  ¶ 12:45 PM 0 comments

  digging my diskette archive digging my diskette archive...

most are already spoilt.
but I found some treasure! my Pisay essay! will post it here...
btw, pardon my grammar... that was like 3 years ago? maybee I'm still as lousy but nevermind... It just reminds me of many things... ^_^

Ivy Gregorina A. Molina
4-Electron
HOW PISAY CHANGED MY LIFE

I can still remember myself four years back; I reckon I was slouchy, shy, nervous, and definitely a crybaby. Why a crybaby? Because I used to be a perfectionist, always thinking ahead and expecting a lot of things, when I fail to do so, I run to my mom and cr... Well, I don’t want to mention it again, I feel like I was so weak those days, and that weakness screwed me up to some block that prevents me from reaching farther. Second year was the time my friends and I talked a lot about going out of school, we were all so willing to do so but the only thing that stops us from going out is money. We chose this path of Pisay, we can’t go back, and we have no choice but to stand with our decision and move on. We also discussed about getting kicked out, well, that is the thing I cannot bear to become, it’s so dishonorable, and it can do nothing but tell the world that I’m a sore loser and a weakling. Suicide? An option I cannot welcome, as what I learned from our values education teacher (Mrs. Rejuso and Mr. Orrellanida), it’s an eternal sin (guess I have really learned something!). Third year was the start of actually moving on and accepting everything that comes, the dawn of laziness and despair. I did not mean that third year was never good, it was as good as it is; the real problem was with us, we were discouraged about a lot of things, not that motivated to reach up to our personal expectations (based on my personal point of view), and not even doing our best in every way. I was sad because we gave a lot of problems to our adviser and much more when we reached the fourth and last year of our Pisay life. We were not the best that we could be, the flaw was with us, and we feel really sorry for our adviser for all the troubles and problems that we gave him. (Too much negative isn’t it? But the thought of this article does not end there; it’s just a prologue ☺.)
Standing right now in the end of high school life, I knew I missed out something; I missed out the process on how I became me, strong, happy, sometimes a laughing gas, active, confident at some extent and calm. Totally different from what I was before, that was then I realized how Pisay molded me entirely…
My classmates made me stronger, they provided me social challenges that made me stronger emotionally, they made me independent of them but not left alone, they made me understand that being too dependent on friends leaves you looking broke and helpless. To help a friend, is not actually helping them out but to teach them on how to help themselves. However, my classmates also provided me pressures that sometimes lead me to cry because of hurt, I used to take discussions seriously so whenever jokes are spoken out about me, I get mad. The teachers advised and suggested me ways to change my life to cope up with social pressures like teasing and name-calling, Ma’am de Guia took a great role in doing so, she told me to just go with the flow in conversations so that those who tease and name-call me would get tired of their boring job. It was hard at first, but later I turned out to be a joker, a corny one though because of too much going with the flow and diverting the mood of the atmosphere. I also learned how to be happy despite of hardships, Monday mornings usually remind me of that, and I also realized that time spent with sadness is losing the time to do something to resolve the problem and be happy. In connection to being happy, I learned how to laugh in front of my problems, how to laugh my heart out, and I recognized that happiness is not just medicine, it is life.
I am active and confident, my classmates and teachers played a big role in developing that, first they showed me that like them I am also human capable of mistakes, as well as improvements, and then, they made me develop my talents willfully. They appreciated my work if it’s really excellent and they suggest ways to improve if it’s not that good enough. I considered every bit of advise, chose what I can do, experiment on new ways, and change for the better, I don’t take things hard because sometimes it hurts my will. From the confidence taught by my friends (teachers and classmates), I became active knowing that no one is going to stop me from doing things I wanted to do within the bounds of school rules and regulations. I like to do a lot of things in a short time given a strong will, and I can never survive a situation where I sit all day watching things pass by in front of me.
My four years of stay trained me to be calm; panicking is just a waste of time, it makes me lose my momentum of work, and builds too much pressure emotionally. Thinking that too much pressure causes heart attacks, I stopped and made myself relaxed, doing things without pain in the heart . From then on, I worked smoothly, unrushed, and happier than how I used to work before. The only thing that was not taken away from me is my seriousness but Pisay made me mix up my seriousness with jolliness, believe it or not, I’m partly sanguine and partly a peaceful melancholic as a person; two opposite personalities mixed as one. Based on my own point of view, having opposite traits can be an advantage because it can make me cope up differently from opposite situations, I can learn to be happy in some case and in another, I become really serious.
When I look at my grade school picture, I see a different version of me, when I look at my graduation picture for our yearbook, I actually see myself, totally different from what I was. Pisay played a big role in my life, I am really grateful for everything; I may have started this article with negative things, but I’m taking them all back, I don’t mean that what I have said were never true but rather what I’ve said already cancelled off the gratefulness that I feel. It’s so great that whatever bad thing happened to me in Pisay is now just a minor event of my entire Pisay life. Those things were no big deal; they were only significant to some extent because I have learned important lessons from them, besides that, there is NOTHING MORE.
How did Pisay really change my life?
I was renewed…


----end----

heee  ¶ 4:50 PM 1 comments

  hoping to find mercy... everything's crashing down on me... no not just because of ECAs (they're fine) but everything...

hey You! yes You up there... I need you...
I know you are always on time. =)

^_^

"hey now, hey no-now now now now...what we really need is Restoration..." by Phillips, Craig and Dean  ¶ 8:12 PM 0 comments

  end of me #_# this week I got 2 labs, ISS... tutorials are undermined...

NEXT WEEK, I GOT THREE LABS, 1 LAB TEST, 2 MIDTERMS!

and I am not prepared for all of them!!!!!!!!!!!

God help me... I need Your mercy but I am not a tinge deserving of You... I am nothing and I am lost...
is this the end of me? Indeed, life apart from you is morbid, unwanted...

so how?

I WANT AMERICAN SYSTEM OF EDUCATION!
this system is not good for proper learning...
but anyway, it can't be helped and time is drawing nearer for me to get screwed real hard... and I am at a loss... yes, i don't like studying because this system is not effective... although the fault is mine for taking this in the first place...

argh...  ¶ 8:46 AM 0 comments

  growing up (uh... not really) Mergebelle(a wonderful hi-skul friend) once said with great realization that we are all growing up. We maturing, taking our own parted ways, having romances, heartaches, and even losing loved ones, gradually drifting from the immature high school days to young adults experiencing life with rather experienced minds. Merge was surprised and excited with great awe when she realized that, it was nothing much to me really... However now, I just felt like she was so right. I never really did realize... Maybe I was overlooking such drastic change from high school scenario, but now I do see things a little more clearly... I admit though that I loved my high school years and I don't feel like letting go although I guess I have done so ages ago... Wonderful high school years with all the wonderful people around. I once thought the school was a prison, but really, I did appreciate it when I was there. People around me now are just so different from the people back then. We were a family, not just a labeled family (ehem)... A realy happy bunch of kids who loves to hang out, do things together and even get to have a real good time with teachers, we were a family after all ^_^ ... Haha... and even if the students come from different families, they are modest. No unreachables, no elites, no social climbers (my class at least) but wonderful friends.(hey Wayne I don't mean to mock you or what not).... I just said this because people here in Singapore are just so different, good thing there are some wonderful buds around sparing me from insanity... But anyway, where was I? Hmmm... Oh yeah... Growing up... heck, I forgot what I wanted to say! hahaha... geez... obviously Im gettin old so fast to be this forgetful! haha digress digress!

okay okay...
hmmm... but anyway... lately... I am a big H! that's all...

I want a way out but I guess I am my own dragon #_#!!!!  ¶ 9:54 PM 1 comments

  216th post two hundred sixteen posts!!!
wow! After 2 years! I guess that's quite agreeable...

quote:
When you have the opportunity to pursue your own goals and interests free from interference, you can feel very agreeable and express a buoyant optimism. On the other hand, you can be impulsive and forceful when opposed, and act without due forethought and discretion. Hence you have many bitter experiences and generally rather unsettled conditions in your life, with little progress and financial accumulation. You cannot tolerate any domination by others, or circumstances that restrict your freedom and independence. You are inclined to make changes abruptly in your life as an escape from such conditions

I wonder if that is true about me...

Anyway, I was thinking. I so love my freedom and independence but now I feel like I am caged even though I am free to miss my lectures and tutorials. =D... Yeah... My freedom has been suppressed and my independence, gone. Funny... Those two are basically not physical... They're just not... Now I believe that those who have curfews experiences more freedom than I do. Home is also a place where I enjoy much greater freedom and independence. I guess it is all in the mind... Those who are jailed may even exercise more freedom than I do. I want to get out of this yet I am not fully determined to start all the changes. I am limited by fear of pain... Sad, funny, weird... What have I got myself into? I knew very well that what is at hand is taking so much risks that benefits are overwhelmed by consequences but the stubbornness of the mind does not give in! My bad!

When/where/what next?  ¶ 10:20 PM 0 comments