--- Haize... screwed up myself again...


Lord help...

thanks pala for being there even though Im one of those crazy girls around.
thanks Lord that you will enable me to study for my midterms and finals...
later i will have a practical...a tougher one they said, but Lord, with you, we can handle that thing together!  ¶ 9:38 AM 0 comments

  the story of a little girl there was once an elementary girl from a now famous public school... she has big dreams, and every time she prays, she prays that one day she'll reach big things... that one day she no longer had to take jeepney rides from home to her school... she kept praying and slowly, the Lord answered her prayer. She bagged the highest honors of that school when she graduated...

yet the little girl knew what she always wanted... In her heart she kept that ... before she graduated she scanned a book, found her dream career and learned what initial steps she should take to get there... She chose and remembered what she can do... she kept it still and marched her way to get her gold...

the little girl wants to press on for her dream and so she took a bold step to take an entrance exam to a prestigious high school in her place. She was pretty anxious, yet she prayed that the Lord would grant her a good education, a good stepping stone for her ambition. The Lord was kind and merciful, He granted her desire and so she got in to a prestigious school... It was not easy for her as she met different sorts of people, new sorts of people to deal with... a bunch of so-called elites that she never knew existed before. She went on, she found hardship, she had fun competing, she had fun striving, she loved pleasing her mom yet tensions grew within the family and within school...

the little girl, knowing still what she wanted pushed on, striving still and growing. She made new and wonderful friends that were with her during the 4-year struggle... She had fun, she learned patience, she learned slacking, she ceased being a perfectionist yet she knows she still wants more of what she has... After years of "struggle", she graduated with a good high school education...

and yet she does not know where to go exactly for college...

she only took one tertiary entrance exam for this prestigious state university of her country located about a thousand or two miles away from home... and with crossed fingers she took a foreign scholarship to study in this more prestigious school...

She got in for the prestigious state university of her country... She wasn't exactly happy but her mom was delighted, she was not contented... and for the fact that someone who resembled someone important to her commented that it's nothing big really, she was in distraught... she asked God that she wanted to go out of her country for college, a school where there are a lot of people more intelligent than her and so would definitely feel mediocre and will strive harder... her masochist self wanted to struggle and prove to that someone that she's not just no one... She was emotionally struggling... Within her she knows she doesn't belong to that university but everyday she wakes up and goes to school, the cold hard fact was, she is schooling there... It was a painful struggle; something in her strongly believes that she belongs to another school... Boredom and discouragement overtook her...

A month later, she prayed intently to God, and the funny part is, God answered her prayer 5 minutes later... She did burst into tears, and was no less amazed of how her God has been listening to the little girl...

She got the foreign scholarship, and she did head off to that foreign land.
There she found God...

And later she was confused... she was confused between what her God wants and what she wants. She wanted to excel but her confusion lead her to slacking, to want to know more about what she got confused about: what God wants and the disparity from what she wants and what she should/must want. She knows what the little girl wanted, but she questions whether it was right to maintain it... She saw that there are a lot of many other things to do that could please her God, and she thinks that what the little girl wanted was something selfish... She is doing what the little girl wanted, the stepping stone for what she wanted to become, and yet she lost her zeal. No... she is confused, and yet the answer is not yet there...

indeed the Lord sent her to a university with a lot of smart people and she is no less a mediocre student... Mediocrity became normal for her. But chances are she's heading downwards unless the Lord somehow explains to her the answers to her confusion... How?

the story of the little girl is unfinished...

yes she is still confused... yet she's not trying hard... it is hard to pull her out from her slacking. she needs motivation, but worldly achievement really is nothing much to her because of her confusion... where to get motivation is another big problem... she tries to be real... and really motivation from her God is another sort and she can't find a motivation enough to pull her out of being a laid back person... maybe she is blinded, maybe she is more confused than ever, maybe... time can only tell or maybe if the Lord speaks to her face clearly then she would know...
yet her story is not yet done...

is she meant to prove anything to anyone?
it is rather not necessary...or so she thinks.
her dragon is herself...
she got to slay her own dragon and many more dragons...
she is trapped, she can't move...
what are her chances of breaking free?
where?
how?

and so the story continues...  ¶ 4:27 PM 0 comments

  thank you... For the many gazillions of complaining posts I've had... A friend told me a good thing other than complaining... I should praise the Lord for all the troubles I'm having. When I survive a challenge in life, for sure I will become stronger in the Lord.

I thank you Lord for disciplining me everytime.
I thank you Lord for this emptiness in me, it keeps me yearning for you.
I thank you Lord for the times when you were the only One I could see as my big help.
I thank you Lord for being my true friend everytime.
I thank you Lord for doing something whenever I'm in trouble.. Thank you for saving me on your own way. Thank you... you always know when I need you... and you never fail to be there when I truly need you. With my proud and stubborn heart you help me out... sometimes i feel like you're the only true friend in the world... The only Someone I can rely on everytime... the only family I have.... sometimes You were the only one...
I thank you Lord for using the people around me for Your works.
I thank you Lord for all the reports I have to make...
I even thank you Lord for the fiasco report I've had, from it I learned the value of preparedness...prudence I should say... but not much though...
I thank you Lord for your patience in me...
I thank you Lord that you will provide me the strength to watch all the lectures I've missed...
I thank you Lord for your unfailing faithfulness...
I thank you Lord, that in you... I am never alone.
Thank you for being a father to us all...
Thank you...
Lord... save me from my troubles!
me and my troubled heart!
Oh soul! why should you be troubled! rely on the Lord, He will be with you and He will make you move mountains if only you believe...
Oh heart... don't fail this time...
Oh mind, don't be laid back... ask the Lord for guidance!
Oh self... you are such a sinner... but if only you repent... you can let go of all those needless burden...

Praise the Lord for His love!
Praise the Lord for His faithfulness!
Praise the Lord for His power!
Praise the Lord for His mercy!
Praise the Lord for His wisdom!
Praise Him! Praise Him!  ¶ 12:15 AM 0 comments

  ... another dot dot dot...
=)

anyway. I've been doing nothing much lately. Wasting my time and energy to non-academic stuff.

then I complain.

I shall halt this.

too much...
I only have a month to catch up with a month and a half lectures. whaduyaknow... I'm afraid it would be tough for me as I have developed this procrastinating habit. And it is the first time ever that I've done a term paper within a few hours on the day of the deadline itself. I'm praying for a pass even though I know I don't deserve it as much. I don't have a face to show to my tutor. I want to hide.

shame on you Ivy.  ¶ 6:36 PM 0 comments

  about love...haha msn.com got some interesting articles... and here's one of them =D

Love: 10 crazy scientific facts
By Laura Schaefer

1. It’s like looking in a mirror! It turns out we all have a little something in common with Narcissus—the mythical fellow who fell in love with his own reflection. Scientists at the University of Liverpool recently concluded that our brains favor people with familiar faces. The research team asked over 200 participants to view a number of digitally altered human faces. They found that subjects preferred the features they found the most familiar—whether that means his or her own visage or that of a family member. This may explain that common phenomenon of couples looking like they could be siblings.


2. Manner, schmanners: Go ahead and stare. Another new study says that when a woman walks into a room, she is considered more attractive if she turns her eyes directly toward a certain man. Men would rate the same woman as less desirable if she doesn’t make strong eye contact. In this study, conducted at Dartmouth University, lead researcher Malia Mason had male participants sit and view a series of faces of fashion models, digitally enhanced to either be gazing toward or away from the participant. The study authors asked the viewer to rate the likeability of each model and found that those who turned away were seen as less agreeable. The study’s researchers went on to suggest that a woman’s gaze can be a powerful arousal cue and that our impressions are largely formed by nonverbal communications such as eye contact. So start locking eyes, ladies!

3. You’ll know it when you see it. A recent study at the University of Pennsylvania reveals that regardless of what people say they are looking for in a dating situation, they don’t need a lot of time with or information about a person to tell if they’re interested. Single people’s behavior suggests that individuals know “it” (a person who appeals to them) when they see it—almost instantly. Lead researcher Robert Kurzban and his colleagues studied data from 10,000+ daters. They found that men and women assessed potential compatibility within moments of meeting, using primarily visual cues such as age, height, and attractiveness. Says Kurzban, “Somewhat surprisingly, factors that you might think would be really important to people — like religion, education, and income — played very little roles in their choices.”

4. Listen up. The next time you call up a potential love match, pay special attention to how they sound. Researchers at the University of Albany had 149 men and women rate the attractiveness of a series of recorded voices on a scale from 1 to 10. The researchers also gathered information about the sexual histories of the people whose voices they recorded. They found that the voices found to be the most appealing belonged to people who had sex at an earlier age, had more sexual partners, and were more prone to infidelity than those rated as having less appealing voices. So know that what’s a seductive voice to you may be linked to a person with a bit of a past…

5. I couldn’t help it baby, it’s in my genes. There may be a genetic component to infidelity, says a professor at the Twin Research Unit at St. Thomas’ Hospital, London. This is based on the fact that if one twin exhibits infidelity, the other twin strays 55% of the time. In the general population, the number is 23%. The tendency to remain faithful is a component of personality, the scientist elaborates, which is governed both by a number of genes and societal factors.

6. It’s official. Love makes us crazy. For one, it causes serotonin levels in the brain to drop, which may lead people to obsess about their lover. (The levels of serotonin, a chemical produced by the body, are also low in people who have obsessive-compulsive disorder.) Next, it ramps up production of the stress hormone cortisol, leading to slightly higher blood pressure and possible loss of sleep. Finally, a scientist at the University of London has found that when people look at their new loves, the neural circuits that are usually in charge of social judgment are suppressed. All in all, love kind of leaves you obsessive, stressed, and blind. And we love it.

7. Why broken hearts hurt... A recent UCLA study suggests the psychological hurt of a break-up is just as real as a physical injury. Two areas of the brain that respond to physical pain also become activated when a person is dealing with social pain, such as being dumped. The study’s authors used an MRI to monitor brain activity in participants while they played a game simulating social rejection. The researchers believe that the pain of being rejected may have evolved as a motivating force that led humans to seek out social interaction, which is crucial for the survival of most mammals.

8. Blushing is best. If we take our cue from apes, rosy cheeks are crucial in the dating game, says a new study. Scientists at Stirling University in Great Britain have found that primates prefer mates with red faces. A rosy glow might also act as a similar cue in humans, say the British researchers, sending a message of good health. They speculate that it could explain why women use blusher.

9. Kiss this way. Did you know there is a “right” way to kiss? People are more likely to tilt their heads to the right when kissing instead of left, says a report published recently in the journal Nature. A scientist from Ruhr University in Germany analyzed 124 pairs of smoochers and found that 65 percent go toward the right.

10. Meet for drinks before dinner. Researchers at NYU and Stanford have discovered that hungry men prefer heavier women. By staking out a dining hall, scientists had hundreds of students fill out questionnaires about their preferences in a mate. Men who filled out the questionnaire just before they entered the hall described their ideal woman as an average of three or four pounds heavier than men interviewed after they ate. Incidentally, researchers did not find the same change in women’s preferences, so guys: Go ahead and schedule that drinks date for before or after dinnertime.

Laura Schaefer is the author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor: The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time.   ¶ 4:02 PM 0 comments

  my bC++ the C++
a.k.a. The Cramming ++

I crammed my note file for my term paper... It was of lousy quality and I'm outrightly ashamed of it kasi naman ang lecturer ko is also my tutor, a first-class honors level checking the paper of a way below honors level student... wahhaaa... speaking of utter disaster... Now it is past five, and the deadline was 5 pm... I started doing it around 1 pm... waaa... I don't like C++! I submitted an incomplete notefile at around 4:50...sigh... I wish I were not a Pinoy like my teacher, he must be expecting something from me...crap... I failed him... >_<... haha in other words, he will fail me...=P...

Oh no... one more month and exam time na! And worse, I missed one month of lectures already! ack!...

bad bad....

to gissie... Hindi naman sa nag-away kami, pero naaawa ako at nakokonsensya at the same time sa kanya dahil sa pagkasuplada ko minsan. Ilang beses ko na po siyang inaway...at ang bait bait pa rin niya...hahahahha... *tsk tsk... bad bad*... Anyway, ayun, pinakonsensya ako ni Lord... tinatry ko na pong maging mabait. Mabait naman daw ako sabi niya pero sobrang kinukulit ko siya ng maraming tanong about life, about relationships, about anything followed up with many disturbing and annoying questions. We end up arguing, as in I tend to find flaws in his reasons...kahit irrelevant flaws... bad ko noh? Dapat mas maging civilized na ako ngayon and must not apply the stuff I learned from my philosphy module last sem.


and to Korsi... haha... makabuang ang dalawang part time... buti na lang walang slot ang inassign sa akin this week... and somehow, buti na lang may favoritism si David...
Oh btw, nung last shift ko pala, medjo nagPDA si Alicia and David (i.e. holding hands, leaning on the shoulder...)... Myt that mean something? Will try to ask David when I meet him. FYI lang po. =)...

is it true that most Singapore women are fierce??? as for me... maybe in their accent/tones and manners they are considered relatively fierce... But I don't know... Sometimes their "xenophobia" or "superiority complex" makes them appear as snobs. just a not-so-random thought, I read a related article before something like "according to research, Singaporean women are more fierce than men". and so they did research huh? dunno... according to a feint memory that was it... check this --> http://www.drliew.net/archives/000117.html . Hurhur... BUT THAT DOES NOT APPLY TO MAYBELINE! and really, I've met nice female singaporeans as well... but hmmm... also met the fierce versions they're talking about......>_<  ¶ 5:05 PM 0 comments

  Retrospection??? My heart is unwilling and my body is weak.
What left for me to do?

haha... I am disheartened again. Anyway, I just feel a sense of sadness in my heart and I don't feel like doing anything for my academics. I always feel I'm being too irresponsible with my academics, which is actually the case and whenever I feel like doing something and then I reach my workstation afterwards, I get worn out. I end up wasting my time and ruining my plans outrightly. It was better before because at least my mind was strong enough to drive my body and achieve something for the day, but now it feels like I'm in this blackhole. I can't escape this laziness and discouragement to study. I feel like I can't. I am being so emotional. But really, I don't have much interest for school right now and well... Im not being a girlfriend material either...hahaha...far fetched... but ya... those are the current setbacks I'm having lately. sad. sad. sad.


neways.
I'm not a good girlfriend, so I discourage all the guys out there who are interested... LOL... as if!!!!!! =P  ¶ 4:05 PM 1 comments

  rep to Kor ah yung video???
it's for bio-proj nung high school 4th year. Ending part yun...yung parang number by the movie casts.. Si Joshep kagrupo ko rin... Not sure if he was one of the camera man sa ending...hehe...
haha... Buang talaga yan si Clarence... grabe magbinuang! pero miss ko na yung taong yun ^_^...  ¶ 11:25 PM 1 comments

  ...plan... i'm getting stupid everyday... and it's annoying...

anyway...just want to share a nice poem from a forward... nice nice! should remind myself of this...

> PLANNING AHEAD
>
> The best gift anyone can give me this new year is a planner.
> I like planners because I am a planner.
> I like thinking ahead.
> I like being prepared.
> I get a high from being on top of things.
> But some things are beyond planning. And life doesn't always turn out
> as planned.
>
> You don't plan for a broken heart.
> You don't plan for a failed business venture.
> You don't plan for an adulterous husband.
> Or a wife who wants you out of her life.
> You don't plan for an autistic child.
> You don't plan for spinsterhood.
> You don't plan for a lump in your breast.
>
> You plan to be young forever.
> You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
> You plan to be rich and powerful.
> You plan to be acclaimed and successful.
> You plan to conquer the universe.
> You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.
>
> You don't plan to be sad.
> You don't plan to be hurt.
> You don't plan to be broke.
> You don't plan to be betrayed.
> You don't plan to be alone in this world
>
> You plan to be happy. You don't plan to be shattered.
> Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want.
> But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things.
>
> We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens.
>
> Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans especially when
> His plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God sends us
> crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross
> that God wishes us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage
> knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope
with.
>
> Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
> Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
> Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.
> Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.
> Sometimes God sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
> Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can
> learn the value of everything He gave us.
>
> Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace.
>
>
> Shared by Joe Gatuslao
> Bacolod City, Philippines  ¶ 4:51 PM 0 comments

  on a high... school...

  ¶ 7:51 PM 1 comments

  untitled1 waaa... may mga taong nang-iiwan talaga.
neways, dunno...

missing my dear friend gissie!
also me missing Kathleen Kaye and Mike Gams Pogi! (hihihi)
and missing my childhood dearie charlene... although I doubt if the last 3 read this anyway.

Great friends even though we are parted with distance =). It is such a wonder how friendships can hold but I leave it to the times we were together, in laughter and in tears. =)and maybe in some other things not mentioned ^_^.

ok... I decide that I'd be more of a decent student.
I hope no one can stop me... not even me...  ¶ 9:13 AM 0 comments

  RHAps...hall or residence? Got 58 points... I overdid my CCA at the expense of my CAP...last sem was my ALL-TIME LOW SAP! shame on me... somebody even laughed at me for having an over-all CAP lower than that someone... well..that was highly appreciated!

So greeted with such unusually high points...all time high, I was struck with 3 emotions. Happy, a lot eh, sad, it reminded me of its cost (darn I was duped!), and confused... Confused? I can worry-free opt to stay back in hall next year and enjoy the nice facilities KR have. But really, paying 1800 dollars for the first sem sucks... I miss the meals and the price is like PGP aircon room. The laundry is way expensive (i can spend up t0 4 bucks for just a week of laundry while someone I know just spends 60 cents outside (yes...dryer inclusive)... Luckily this past few days, the card machine in the laundry is faulty and I spend zero cents with all my laundry getting a warm dry (150 minutes). =D. Oh yeah, and there's my beloved Joseph =)...*wink wink* plus my new found friends from stage crew. Me was invited to join the rag... But I have enough points for a stay back man... And I know how it's like building huge complex stuff, VERY TIRING AND TIME CONSUMING but it can be fun and I can have more local friends than me without any projects similar to that... Not just props building but team building as well =). But then again, the real prob I have in hall is that, I feel like Im not a member of our block. I attribute that to my phantom activities, but you know there's always that barrier between locals and foreigners (and I am so discouraged with that)... Apparently, I have some nice neighbors but they're not there most of the time I'm there. Also, it's the money problem... As compared to other people, first sem they paid 1050, 750 dollars diff from mine... and that's like what I spend for food? oh yeah that's laundry exclusive and lunch-weekends exclusive... I don't really get the quality for the price... But maybe I'm also paying for the new-found friends and experiences? ack!!!

LOL... outside hall... I want to live in EA, but the rooms and toilets are... well at least a bit acceptable but KR is way better. They have free laundry, near SRC, near engineering, near bus 95, near cheers, near central library, near comcen, near munchie monkey, near science, dun have to pay for food (i have to buy myself whenever I want to)... More like EA is the shorthand for convinience. Old KR too...but I don't feel like having insect visitors more frequently. =D
Another problem is that Rohit doesn't want me there, and Aditi wants me to stay in PGP. LOL...PGP =D. I could sneak in and sleep in Aditi's AC room and we could swim together whenever we want to because more or less we have the same schedule... slept there once ^_^... she's pretty nice... And yes, my dear Pinoy community... most of the Pinoys are there...(???)... haha si Korsi pala =D. Well my beloved ex-neighbor... KR lost its homeliness because she lives in PGP na =D. Basically I could say I don't have a friend in KR whom I could comfortably share things with, well maybe except for my beloved Joseph who I RARELY see... So what na???

really... if you ask me...I dunno what to choose... Convinience or a variety of Experiences... They are totally different!
Im bent to convinience but then again nanghihinayang ako for KR... BTW, KR gave me another 13 magic points... =D ...which is way less than my 28 (I guess) magic points last year .=D But it is ok... I don't get those outside =).  ¶ 6:16 PM 2 comments