let me i never cried over loneliness in my whole life...
but i have placed myself into a situation where
loneliness have introduced itself as a killer
crying no longer cleanses my soul
but every drop pierces the flesh of my heart

i am cursed myself
but i should have cursed the situation im in
before i waddled in this muddy plain
i should have cursed the time when i missed crying
i should have cursed the time when i longed for boundaries
i should have cursed the time i ever stepped in!

but there is nothing i can do now
but tell this old bestfriend of mine all my sorrows
my dear blog... lifeless and emotionless you may be
i can trade all the world in me
just to have something like this blog

....
now that my hate is fading away...
i hope it would go and never return
my heart is weary of too much emotions
i yearn for numbness and moving on
in this fierce jouney of life, of love and of living.  ¶ 8:36 PM 0 comments

  ... back then, when my relationship was stronger with God I never believed when someone said: "in the end, we are left to ourselves."

i admit, my relationship with Jesus has become weaker, most probably due to me. To the type of person I am and all that. And because of this I am losing the battle. In the end, indeed now I am alone. I am left to myself.

All these because of me.  ¶ 4:50 PM 0 comments

  something more stressful than IRC I will never sell myself to IEEE...
ever! (im in the process of getting sold though)

thank you Rohit =). I guess Im better off having an ex-chairperson like you with me =), in that way I wont be sold =D.

gosh! I spent 12++ hours just for some IEEE stuff this weekend alone!
ack!  ¶ 12:35 AM 0 comments

  forgotten i heard about something that is worse than any bad things a mortal could experience.
indeed, this is worse than death, this is worse than falling ill and this is worse than getting bad grades.. it is being forgotten by everybody else in the world.

it might be true.
i gave some thought about it.
it is true.

not that I am forgotten myself (look at my tagboard) =P.

but yeah, I have forgotten about my dreams.
I am the one who forgot. I am not sorry about those dreams though rather I am sorry for myself. Without it, where else can i go?

Im just drifting in this endless, bottomless ocean and God knows how much I need to find what I'm looking for.. or to realize that what I am looking and waiting for is nothing.

I do not have a dream. I bet that's a great loss.

I hope and pray that one day I find my share again. My share of dreams and determination to reach them. Maybe they won't come if I wait here in my dark and empty cove but my heart wonders where I could start digging to find that treasure.

I do not want to waste my life only searching for what I lost. Iye.
I want to spend my life doing that thing that I am searching for, doing what I am here for. But the ambiguity of the things around me just confuses me further and vagueness of what ought to be done just discourages me.

As for now, I just need to find a way to get out of this place.
I need a boat or at least a direction where I could swim to in the hope of finding the island where people are in the process of reaching their dreams.

.....................
1. i do not dream to be rich
2. i do not dream to be the best
3. i do not dream to be the smartest

but maybe i want to do something that's worth my time here.
something.  ¶ 5:52 PM 0 comments

  after 10 postless days i do not know what I should post. but here's one...

1. ang cute nang nagyari kay karen and bf..CUTE talaga.
2. ang taas na ng nails ko, nabalatan ko bf ko... ewww morbid.
3. finally, i got 98% of the things i stored for vacation... they sure can fill a house!
4. hmmm school is starting. how do i properly start school???hmmm....
5. uhh.. EA is a synonym for convinience ;)
6. im proud of KR!  ¶ 12:13 AM 0 comments

  thank you A lot of thanks to both Michael and Arthur.
and pasensya na rin, most especially to Michael. (read his blog =) )

Si Michael medjo kontrabida ang image nung high school pero mabait ang taong toh. Like all of us, unique person person siya with very distinctive characteristics. Chatting with him is very interesting and he is an open person who doesn't get outrageous even if your views differ with him. wala lang. Nung summer ko lang talaga na-appreaciate who he really is. I get to work with him =) and eat lunch and chat all sorts of nonsense and sensible things with him along with Korsi syempre.

haha.. friendster na pala dapat toh... but anyway, kindness is priceless and what can I do to repay Mr. Michael? wala... at least I could broadcast my thank you ^_^.

Thanks Michael!

and to the ever mabait Arthur!
waaa... wala akong masabi sa taong ito. Kahit na medjo naiiba ang views nito sa crowd na nakakachat niya, cool pa rin. Haha.
Thanks talaga Arthur!!! =)

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Babalik na ang 'uyab' ko bukas! yey!
este mamaya pala...
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hala, mukhang nakita na ng lahat, nagrelax na rin ang hair ko after 4 years??? of bad hair struggle...well, not exactly as I am not particular with hair being kempt because I have readily given up after it got dyed years ago and well, Im against rebonding my own hair =).

My mom said I look more 'civilized' with a behaved hair... haha... well I thought so too... anyway, i wish I could still have my early years of high school hair.
nakachat ko pala si David G. before and he was shocked to see my hair ngayong college na... sabi niya, "Nasaan na ang Rejoice-like hair mo?"...

ako ay natawa na lang kasi ang buhok ko noong last time nagkita kami ay buhol-buhol na at may highlights pa. And my hair actually reminded someone of a shampoo brand and it is rejoice of all brands. Was flattered haha.

at present, i perfectly know relax can't bring back my old naturally shiny(daw) hair so uhm it was never my intention (my mom's pa siguro =P ).
I also noticed kasi maganda pala hair ko noon when I happen to glance upon our third year high school photo with Kathleen Araneta and Ruth Biado pero wala akong magawa about it esp. with my current hair...haha... okay okay... i may have regretted destroying my hair a bit but not really.
na-inlove naman sa akin yung boyboy ko with it! mwuahahahah...

waaa...

okay...

ivy tumahimik ka na!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
------
P.S.

thanks again Arthur and Michael!  ¶ 3:37 AM 0 comments

  scary times it's in the news

1. expecting a huge explosion from Mt. Mayon
2. another typhoon
3. war in Lebanon and Israel
4. Protests
5. everyday crimes (murder and all that)

and there are a lot more to expect =(. I read them from the bible.
indeed you can see that the fig tree is shedding off to learn that it is time...

hopefully, the Mt. Mayon wont erupt this friday as it is our flight towards Singapore.
I guess all I can ever do is leave it to Jesus . =)


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and to my Rohit. I miss you! :P  ¶ 3:58 PM 0 comments