I shouldn't be blogging but my heart... is in agony
not entirely as it is but yeah it has its worries
even I cannot fathom
I am just reading my mind now, trying to understand the current status
of this tiny thing inside me that beats
that breathes life to my soul

is it because I am trying to prove something but I failed to?
is it because of the fact that I never tried my best in anything
for the past many years?
is it because of trying to hide my nature from anyone??? (hmmm...)
trying to hide the envious feeling that I always suppress within?
my heart...is it crying?

I am not failure of a creation
but has my path departed from what I should have taken?

it is funny i keep this blog open too.
because this is usually where I pour my heart into
sometimes i blog my thought and I get reprimanded
but what is there to that? this is my blog
and have the very right to blog my thoughts
and so are others
a mind and heart discussion it is
just like what i wanted

but vindication is in the Lord
and so, I will stand still
observe mistakes and move on
standing for what I believe is right

I know it is worthless to wait in this lifetime for answers
I am confident however to find them one day
Maybe not here but somewhere... this is because
my heart says so... (as translated by the mind)

anyway, as much as I wanted to hide my blog
I just leave it idle for a time
not because I wanted people to read (of which I doubt)
but for my heart to take some rest
and to gain strength to face the world
then and there, I can face the world again
through this tiny portal to the world that I am aware of

it is tough to open myself to all
but it is tougher to hide myself
I do not know why but this is what my heart demands
though impractical as it may seem

anyway, I am off now
as this week is a tough one too

I am trying to be tough (though I am not)
so in tough times
no matter how tough it may seem
the tough must get going
thus I must get going too
and get that strength of the heart from Him!

God bless you all!  ¶ 5:11 AM