If you have faith If you have faith, you will be tested for it...

Pastor Butch said that this afternoon. Like Job, like our Pastor Sunny...
Even if today's was a sermon about money (and perhaps people got stingy about it) I really don't care, all that ever ringed in my head is that phrase. Just noticed that something is not right about me or maybe the sermon. I guess it is more on the former but I'm just injecting the latter to use the "or" and lessen my crime in a way.

It is pretty admirable how people get so strong with their faith. How they amass their indestructible wealth and forget about the golds of this world. How they turn out victorious from their heart-wrenching battles. I am happy for them, but when I look at the mirror... I ask... How have I been?

For sure I have been under little-faith testing for countless of times and for countless of times too, I think I have failed. Maybe I have little confidence that I have done any good. More and more, I feel so undeserving of God's grace, and it is a wonder how I keep having them each day... The wonder of God's love. The power of love ^_^.

Faith testing. How far could I go? Probably less than a meter, but I hope not.
For the past 12 months, there was a time I searched for the truth (I did some substantial research and observations). It is kind of without bias search perhaps--> that if I would find out there's no God, then I might, ya know.
searching for answers without bias, one will arrive to a truth untarnished, that's what I read from a book. More or less I agree with it for I believe that many of those who research in the present age are even bounded by the things they wanted to find rather than to know what kind of things they can find.

I kept thinking for many days, wondering about the complexities of life and all things, and unsurprisingly I ended up to where I started. All things combined, and seeing all things as one big picture, such wouldn't make sense without God. After that I ventured for more, wanted to find more answers about the mysteries of existence. Gradually backsliding, I only realized, after many months of wasted life that I needed to stop searching for answers. Why such impractical drama and insensible reason? One, some answers Im looking for seems forbidden to be revealed to me now. Two, I do not need such answers to live, the Lord gives me all that I need to live. Three, I should go back to living. I thought, hey if it would take a lifetime for me to find the answers, I would regret if the whole time I just searched for an answer and failed to serve. I think I am better off believing in God than being an atheist. Assuming--> between an atheist and me in the end: If there is no God, the atheist would have assumed the truth and lived on his way while I lived on the choice I made as well and no harm done really. If there is God, the atheist will perish and I will live... Ain't that a ++ on my side? Hmm there's an economic term for that, something from oligopoly but anyway it doesn't really matter.I don't believe in God due to such reasoning afterall, I believe in God because He is plainly real. And Jesus, His Son, is the Savior.

Now why all these?
First of all, pardon my apparently blatant digression but I will go back soon.
Second, I have finally watched Chronicles of Narnia. Basically it pictured the kind of situation followers of Jesus face. The message to me was clear. I can even relate to the kids who apparently ain't great as knights but they did overcome! They had failures in them, but at the same time those failures became their strengths...ahhh... So many things to say...
It is just that, when I look at them and I look back in the mirror, I find not much difference except maybe of... Faith? I do not know. But I feel, something is missing in me that apparently makes me feel that I have failed countless testing. Or can it be that I have not understood the full message of narnia? (especially of the human part)

I pray that He will tell me what I should do.
For I do lack determination at the current moment.
And my perseverance have failed from failing to look at Jesus rather than the supposedly keepers (no one is perfect after all, I am not excused).
(oh I remember Ravi Zacharias said Christianity ain't bad but it gained bad publicity because of its supposedly defenders. Or something like that)..

Oh well...
Basically, I you have faith you will be tested.
I have a little and even I am not spared. But I believe though that through testing one's faith can grow. I only hope my stubbornness won't wreck the process again and again.

p.s. pardon my poorly structured post, i am not particularly good at it and i just wanted to inject different thing altogether... anyways, im a future engineer not a novelist ^_^. hee...  ¶ 11:30 PM