Sunday, June 18, 2006
father's day
hmmm...
physically speaking I do not have a father.
but I do have. one is up there and one is ... i do not know. since today is a day to commemorate fathers, i abhor myself for not going to church and worshipping my father up there who was always there for me. So bad of a child. But at least this I can do for him and for the one somewhere.
Father in heaven is a merciful one. I'm scared at Him sometimes and sometimes I just overlook him especially when I'm overly engrossed with the world. Yet, He still loves me and is still trying to bring me back to Him until now. He provides what I need like love, support, finance, mercy=== grace. I've been not a good girl but I know He loves me and I can always hold on to His love, especially when I'm being disciplined. A lot of things has been going through in my family and me being a quite irresponsible lad as I am right now both as a Christian and a student but He still is there. I am unworthy of His love but I cannot live without it either. He has been my primary father since my dad died. And you know, whenever I feel insecure, I just tell myself that "your Father in heaven is a father to the fatherless. He for sure, will take care of you just hold on to Him and try to obey Him... you may be a bad girl sometimes but He loves you so much that He will discipline you. Just hold on to Him and you will be okay." I do appreciate my Father in heaven although my bare eyes have not seen Him, and Jesus, my father and brother and friend always sends my regards to Father...Since I will only be called a son through my JC. Whom, lately, I took for granted. JC who looks over me and over us all the time, and whose unfailing love keeps on setting me acceptable before the Father...But you know... Im scared... Im scared because Im not worthy at all, but I do rejoice for His love, for His mercy that keeps me alive... what can a sinful person like me be without Him???
and for papa Cyrus. my dear papa. You know, even I have not said this before you died and even if what happened long ago happened, papa, your memories will linger in my head. Your love, your warm hugs, your discipline, and that happy look of your face whenever you see us. I remember the days when you buy the tasty chocolate and the milk drink for us to enjoy, and we wait at the gate for the delivery man to drop by. I remember the afternoons when you just squat in front of the door, opening your arms wide while we open it as we get back from school and get a big tight hug from you as well as the times when we just take the backdoor and see your funny looking pose. hehe. I remember the late nights when you get back from work with ice cream, durian, etc as treat and we go running to you for a hug and then grabbing our treat. And also the late nights when while waiting we just sleep in the sofa, and we get magically transfered to our bed tucked in our nice little blankets. I remember the birthdays that became feasts. You take time to roast a chicken for me (such a good cook i daresay), inviting your friends over, and taking an effort to set a little feast for us with that excited and happy mood of yours. I will never forget also how you celebrated Kim's birthday when she was in her grade 1 days, you gate crashed the class, brought loads of snack to celebrate little Kimmy's birthday. It was a total surprise and I just wanted to run and hug you then and there. I will never forget how you treasure us despite the lack of resources, you are the best. I will never forget your disciplines too, and how you explain why you have to. You discipline us because you love us and you want us to become better individuals, the happiness of a father. Papa, i have a lot to thank you for but I guess I will save that for later...hehe... I thank God I had a father like you despite the trials and all that. I wish I could tell you this in person...
Papa, I think I am stronger now. I am not much of a crybaby anymore. Look, I am in singapore already and I've grown. I also have a boyfriend now. Too bad though I don't know whether you approve of him or not. You have been always proud of us papa, and I am proud of you. For the twelve years of my life, you have been remarkable. There may have been many ups and downs but your love is always there. Whenever I look at the past, I look at the happy times. I indeed have failed to appreciate you as much before but papa you will always be in my heart. You have been great. And I know you were sorry in your last days but none of them I keep. I know that even in your last breath you thought of us. Before you left, you looked for us. I'm sorry I wasn't there, I couldn't. But I guess you know now why the Lord allowed such things to happen even if I don't. I will try to grant your last request, I will papa. I will. This little girl with a forehead like yours will grant your desire. ^_^.haha... well, i look more like you they say...LOL. I LOVE YOU!
Cyrus Emmanuel (Corre) Anito Molina who gave the Ivy Gregorina name :D ¶ 5:23 PM
physically speaking I do not have a father.
but I do have. one is up there and one is ... i do not know. since today is a day to commemorate fathers, i abhor myself for not going to church and worshipping my father up there who was always there for me. So bad of a child. But at least this I can do for him and for the one somewhere.
Father in heaven is a merciful one. I'm scared at Him sometimes and sometimes I just overlook him especially when I'm overly engrossed with the world. Yet, He still loves me and is still trying to bring me back to Him until now. He provides what I need like love, support, finance, mercy=== grace. I've been not a good girl but I know He loves me and I can always hold on to His love, especially when I'm being disciplined. A lot of things has been going through in my family and me being a quite irresponsible lad as I am right now both as a Christian and a student but He still is there. I am unworthy of His love but I cannot live without it either. He has been my primary father since my dad died. And you know, whenever I feel insecure, I just tell myself that "your Father in heaven is a father to the fatherless. He for sure, will take care of you just hold on to Him and try to obey Him... you may be a bad girl sometimes but He loves you so much that He will discipline you. Just hold on to Him and you will be okay." I do appreciate my Father in heaven although my bare eyes have not seen Him, and Jesus, my father and brother and friend always sends my regards to Father...Since I will only be called a son through my JC. Whom, lately, I took for granted. JC who looks over me and over us all the time, and whose unfailing love keeps on setting me acceptable before the Father...But you know... Im scared... Im scared because Im not worthy at all, but I do rejoice for His love, for His mercy that keeps me alive... what can a sinful person like me be without Him???
and for papa Cyrus. my dear papa. You know, even I have not said this before you died and even if what happened long ago happened, papa, your memories will linger in my head. Your love, your warm hugs, your discipline, and that happy look of your face whenever you see us. I remember the days when you buy the tasty chocolate and the milk drink for us to enjoy, and we wait at the gate for the delivery man to drop by. I remember the afternoons when you just squat in front of the door, opening your arms wide while we open it as we get back from school and get a big tight hug from you as well as the times when we just take the backdoor and see your funny looking pose. hehe. I remember the late nights when you get back from work with ice cream, durian, etc as treat and we go running to you for a hug and then grabbing our treat. And also the late nights when while waiting we just sleep in the sofa, and we get magically transfered to our bed tucked in our nice little blankets. I remember the birthdays that became feasts. You take time to roast a chicken for me (such a good cook i daresay), inviting your friends over, and taking an effort to set a little feast for us with that excited and happy mood of yours. I will never forget also how you celebrated Kim's birthday when she was in her grade 1 days, you gate crashed the class, brought loads of snack to celebrate little Kimmy's birthday. It was a total surprise and I just wanted to run and hug you then and there. I will never forget how you treasure us despite the lack of resources, you are the best. I will never forget your disciplines too, and how you explain why you have to. You discipline us because you love us and you want us to become better individuals, the happiness of a father. Papa, i have a lot to thank you for but I guess I will save that for later...hehe... I thank God I had a father like you despite the trials and all that. I wish I could tell you this in person...
Papa, I think I am stronger now. I am not much of a crybaby anymore. Look, I am in singapore already and I've grown. I also have a boyfriend now. Too bad though I don't know whether you approve of him or not. You have been always proud of us papa, and I am proud of you. For the twelve years of my life, you have been remarkable. There may have been many ups and downs but your love is always there. Whenever I look at the past, I look at the happy times. I indeed have failed to appreciate you as much before but papa you will always be in my heart. You have been great. And I know you were sorry in your last days but none of them I keep. I know that even in your last breath you thought of us. Before you left, you looked for us. I'm sorry I wasn't there, I couldn't. But I guess you know now why the Lord allowed such things to happen even if I don't. I will try to grant your last request, I will papa. I will. This little girl with a forehead like yours will grant your desire. ^_^.haha... well, i look more like you they say...LOL. I LOVE YOU!
Cyrus Emmanuel (Corre) Anito Molina who gave the Ivy Gregorina name :D ¶ 5:23 PM
