disturbing week "I was out of my cove for a while and when I returned, I found myself as alienated as possible..."
I have learned quite a lot from our SFS lessons and more especially about Jesus' second coming lesson last Saturday. It certainly taught me more about the meanings of the bible. Sadly, when I was trying to start on my philosophy essay, I read some related articles, browsed sites and eventually found myself reading things written by atheist philosophers, and those who left Christianity. I ended up sad for them and at least a pity for myself because I cannot defend God as good as they are trying to convince themselves and others that He doesn't exist or He is plain wrong. They have used persuasive arguments but not necessarily correct. Like for one, this Julian Baginni writes about what Jesus said in John, "The greatest form of love is to lay down one's life for his friends." And cites some contradicting example that some people, being chauvinistic, would die for their would-be suicide bomber friends because they wanted to protect them and as well as their ideals. Baginni then continues that Jesus would surely reproach them. I think one "flaw" he got was that he failed to read the bible entirely, like for example what's written before the "therefores". He failed to see the whole story, like for example failing to consider who Jesus was talking to, I guess He wasn't talking to people inclined to kill others indiscriminately for their beliefs but rather He was talking to His disciples. These were the people who are already following Jesus, people taught to love others as they love themselves and I guess if there were others totally radical compared to their beliefs they would never dare to assassinate them with or without due mercy.

Then there is this Dave person who left Christianity, I guess probably for failing to understand God and the Word of God although mind you, he has read the bible. (reading doesn't necessarily follow that he has uncovered the mysteries of the bible or he has understood what the bible is really trying to convey).He read the bible and found for himself contradictions and false prophecies. He believes that all prophecies in the old testaments are meant to come true by the new testament, which again reminds me that some prophecies in the old testament are just unfolding now... Is this another temporal coincidence like what Baginni loves to use in his arguments? Phrophecies in the end of age are written in the old testament, like Daniel and Isaiah and other books, and certainly the new testament, the time when Jesus came, was certainly not the end of age so I think it was a bad action to conclude that phrophecies in the old testaments should all come true by the new testaments. If it is not so, then the world has probably ended even before Jesus was crucified or even born.

Sigh... I do feel smaller and smaller everyday as now that I'm given the chance to read some philosophers' point of view in life and what they say about Christianity... I'd say Christianity is becoming a fad that I guess these people have criticized what consisted quite the many, who Pastor Butch labeled as distorted Christian models. They even cited Christians who doesn't believe the bible... But then again they are the so-called false Christians, although they label themselves Christians for they believe that they are and thus, I guess, tainting what-it-takes-to-be-a-Christian image to the rest of the world. Consistently with what Pastor Butch tried to emphasize last Sunday, real Christians are but a few... If you ask me if I'm one, I'd say I've been trying to become one but I guess I'm just not totally there yet, the Holy Spirit is helping me. I'm flawed but I hope I will not become one of those distorted models that discourages more philosophers about Christianity, and not appear as a false Christian since as for myself, I believe I am a Christian... Why I say to the philosophers because they tend to write articles that might even discourage those who have not know God for themselves... "But then again, the sheeps certainly know the familiar voice of the sheperd when they are being called."

I respect the beliefs of other people, and I do try to understand them but I guess I would have to pass certain lines I've set for myself just to obey God. This is hard for me, and in fact, I am lamenting now. This painfully goes against the principles I've acquired when I lived not knowing God as much as I know Him now... This is hard... REALLY HARD! sad... ouch... It's causing me pain now even with just the thought of it--> going sort of against, not the physical way nor the lambasting way I hope, those who aren't aware of Christ... I guess and hope, this is for my relief, that this should be more on me making my stand for Christ in front of my non-Christian friends...

More sadness... I can't make my essay (it is due in 2 days time and I have not started yet or came up with a draft!) and I did not S/U the module! I'm more and more confused as I read more about the stand of these philosophers about what success is... I'm also wondering what answers they'd give if I'd ask them this question: "do you think, so far, you have lived a successful life?" Gee... I wish I could interview them face to face somehow... I also wish that Prof Holbo would grade my blog posts instead of that seemingly gruesome paper (since I'm hopelessly lost in its philosophy).

Lord I do need your help... I need prayers too...

Me smaller still... I'm but a fleeting mist that disappers as the sun progresses in the sky...  ¶ 6:05 AM