Monday, August 15, 2005
third post for the day after a very long time, title: the struggle
Just ate dinner and whining over my growing flabs, I felt as if comforted for taking PH1101E, it sure is fun but I hope it shall not take its toll on me.
I'm not weight conscious, it's just that I'm stating the fact that my flabs are growing, to be a lil exact: my flabs are fluctuating between some certain not-so-bad-at-all range.
Back to my PH, just as I suspected, I could have been better off taking Psychology than Engineering. But for some reasons, it is as if I think I can handle Engineering too since I know I'm not the only one who , in a way, mindlessly chose the course without finding out what my true capacity is because they too have finished the course and finally afterwards took a highly opposite course to fill their satisfaction...
Sad to say, I could have been good in drawing or maybe in music. In short, not to my delight actually, my right brain is more dominant, although I could have wished for the left brain to be overwhelming for the sake of being an engineer one day. ^_^ But geez, it's not what it appears to be. Deep in my heart, I think it stems from my father, I loved philisophy, I like being a lawyer, I like to draw, but I also like to be scientific ^_^. It shouldn't be that odd since according to some witnesses, I'm actually the one among my siblings who looked closest to my father.
It is hard to live in a lie, for I have been there. It might provide some cushion for a while but the longer I am on it the harder to get away, the painful it gets. And so, I cannot live in this lie that I'm better off as an engineer but rather I would rather believe that I can be an engineer, it is what the Lord wills me to be, I believe... I might be slaughtering more brain cells in my right brain, but I'll try to create shambles on my left. I believe I can do it because I know even if apparently I couldn't in the end, I wouldn't be wasting my time not trying. Besides, I'm already here and I know the Lord has something to do with it over-all and I know my life wouldn't end up like a parody of someone else's. I'm unique as we all are and I take pride on that, for Him to create me as me and everyone else's as they are. I'm probably a half engineer and half arts/social science stuff and others might be on the extremes of that or in between or not at all. But you see, I am me and they can't just say that I'm purely engineering stuff nor I'm purely art/soc sci stuff. There will always be someone better than me in some aspects but again the point is, I am me and I can be better in some aspects too. There is a sense of balance in this world although possibly something beyond what humans deem to be balanced. I choose to believe that.
hahahah... okie maybe that's a hang-over from my philo class... The topic we discussed might be far-fetched but I felt like reasoning for myself.... hahahha... although I know I definitely don't know everything about me, about my life and about existence. Actually, I don't know quite a lot! ^_^
I'm just a poor girl, not really wanting to be rich but just wanted to be complete. Complete in a sense that even though I may end up poor or filthy rich after many decades or even just years, I attain this peaceful heart that now I finally know can only become stable if it comes from Him. ^_^ ¶ 7:17 PM
I'm not weight conscious, it's just that I'm stating the fact that my flabs are growing, to be a lil exact: my flabs are fluctuating between some certain not-so-bad-at-all range.
Back to my PH, just as I suspected, I could have been better off taking Psychology than Engineering. But for some reasons, it is as if I think I can handle Engineering too since I know I'm not the only one who , in a way, mindlessly chose the course without finding out what my true capacity is because they too have finished the course and finally afterwards took a highly opposite course to fill their satisfaction...
Sad to say, I could have been good in drawing or maybe in music. In short, not to my delight actually, my right brain is more dominant, although I could have wished for the left brain to be overwhelming for the sake of being an engineer one day. ^_^ But geez, it's not what it appears to be. Deep in my heart, I think it stems from my father, I loved philisophy, I like being a lawyer, I like to draw, but I also like to be scientific ^_^. It shouldn't be that odd since according to some witnesses, I'm actually the one among my siblings who looked closest to my father.
It is hard to live in a lie, for I have been there. It might provide some cushion for a while but the longer I am on it the harder to get away, the painful it gets. And so, I cannot live in this lie that I'm better off as an engineer but rather I would rather believe that I can be an engineer, it is what the Lord wills me to be, I believe... I might be slaughtering more brain cells in my right brain, but I'll try to create shambles on my left. I believe I can do it because I know even if apparently I couldn't in the end, I wouldn't be wasting my time not trying. Besides, I'm already here and I know the Lord has something to do with it over-all and I know my life wouldn't end up like a parody of someone else's. I'm unique as we all are and I take pride on that, for Him to create me as me and everyone else's as they are. I'm probably a half engineer and half arts/social science stuff and others might be on the extremes of that or in between or not at all. But you see, I am me and they can't just say that I'm purely engineering stuff nor I'm purely art/soc sci stuff. There will always be someone better than me in some aspects but again the point is, I am me and I can be better in some aspects too. There is a sense of balance in this world although possibly something beyond what humans deem to be balanced. I choose to believe that.
hahahah... okie maybe that's a hang-over from my philo class... The topic we discussed might be far-fetched but I felt like reasoning for myself.... hahahha... although I know I definitely don't know everything about me, about my life and about existence. Actually, I don't know quite a lot! ^_^
I'm just a poor girl, not really wanting to be rich but just wanted to be complete. Complete in a sense that even though I may end up poor or filthy rich after many decades or even just years, I attain this peaceful heart that now I finally know can only become stable if it comes from Him. ^_^ ¶ 7:17 PM
