Saturday, April 16, 2005
call me odd
argh... i have just seen my electrical lab grades... they're quite bad due to some pathetic mistakes!
anyway, gotta vent such a "frustration" here before they sulk up and stop me from continuing my ever delayed mugging.
and why is it that my new ex-crush is so good? i don't know i recently feel challenged when i think of him, and get discouraged afterwards. He doesn't study that much but he's excelling fairly well, and better than me, who is trying hard to get focused... Is it because he is older? yah, he's 21... or 22 #_# and has a relatively higher maturity compared to usual Singaporean males of his age and maybe have studied a lot (more years i mean), but... i somehow feel intimidated. He is so good! Does he characterize the typical engineering student? and am i but a civilian bystander who happen to get involved in the engineering wagon?
it was yesterday that i told Kor, I'm glad i changed my faculty to engineering. Yeah, I still am glad in a way but i can't help but get this intimidated. Its possible that my other day's absence in the most crucial SS lecture spurred some "arghness" in me. The relevance? uhm, i'd rather keep that to myself...hehehe... it's actually pathetic... Anyway, i just feel that way, and hopefully would forget about it after this post...hehe...
---digressing---
I'm not sure if Singapore made me more mature; i somehow think i'm more immature now... haha... but in a way i get to see some better side of things, and even began to appreciate the funny side of being shallow; and sometimes the vanity in the things i do. Somehow, they're definitive of a person, but somehow as well, psychologically speaking, you could understand why others get hooked to a petty thing and eventually you'd realize that you are already hooked too. I don't know, i just find it funny yet complicated. God's works are amazing. So awesome that no matter how i try to understand people, i'll never get the gist even at least the grasp of the thing. I just keep on accepting and just reckoning and revising my mindset in retrospect, i.e. people can do this too, and that because maybe this or that and then later maybe this or that, it's okay, fairly acceptable because blah blah blah...
anyway, whatever the case maybe, me mature or immature, the world doesn't revolve around me and the story of my life really isn't about the me, so i better stop MEing here ^_^ . In other words, I gotta stop this and go to sleep before my brain vomits everything i just learned! haha... i just read my CS1101C notes and speaking of retrospect, yes, i learned the lessons from my notes in retrospect, actual experience of heady errors, no wonder i made pathetic mistakes in the tests! (and experienced some migrains while doing the labs!) I never really read my notes!
neways!
God bless!
P.S. Yep i may be cynic in many of my posts (i think i am ^_^), but they're just thoughts. =). I write them here to keep track probably but my dear God is always there to comfort me everytime. ¶ 2:34 AM
anyway, gotta vent such a "frustration" here before they sulk up and stop me from continuing my ever delayed mugging.
and why is it that my new ex-crush is so good? i don't know i recently feel challenged when i think of him, and get discouraged afterwards. He doesn't study that much but he's excelling fairly well, and better than me, who is trying hard to get focused... Is it because he is older? yah, he's 21... or 22 #_# and has a relatively higher maturity compared to usual Singaporean males of his age and maybe have studied a lot (more years i mean), but... i somehow feel intimidated. He is so good! Does he characterize the typical engineering student? and am i but a civilian bystander who happen to get involved in the engineering wagon?
it was yesterday that i told Kor, I'm glad i changed my faculty to engineering. Yeah, I still am glad in a way but i can't help but get this intimidated. Its possible that my other day's absence in the most crucial SS lecture spurred some "arghness" in me. The relevance? uhm, i'd rather keep that to myself...hehehe... it's actually pathetic... Anyway, i just feel that way, and hopefully would forget about it after this post...hehe...
---digressing---
I'm not sure if Singapore made me more mature; i somehow think i'm more immature now... haha... but in a way i get to see some better side of things, and even began to appreciate the funny side of being shallow; and sometimes the vanity in the things i do. Somehow, they're definitive of a person, but somehow as well, psychologically speaking, you could understand why others get hooked to a petty thing and eventually you'd realize that you are already hooked too. I don't know, i just find it funny yet complicated. God's works are amazing. So awesome that no matter how i try to understand people, i'll never get the gist even at least the grasp of the thing. I just keep on accepting and just reckoning and revising my mindset in retrospect, i.e. people can do this too, and that because maybe this or that and then later maybe this or that, it's okay, fairly acceptable because blah blah blah...
anyway, whatever the case maybe, me mature or immature, the world doesn't revolve around me and the story of my life really isn't about the me, so i better stop MEing here ^_^ . In other words, I gotta stop this and go to sleep before my brain vomits everything i just learned! haha... i just read my CS1101C notes and speaking of retrospect, yes, i learned the lessons from my notes in retrospect, actual experience of heady errors, no wonder i made pathetic mistakes in the tests! (and experienced some migrains while doing the labs!) I never really read my notes!
neways!
God bless!
P.S. Yep i may be cynic in many of my posts (i think i am ^_^), but they're just thoughts. =). I write them here to keep track probably but my dear God is always there to comfort me everytime. ¶ 2:34 AM
