i just ate what i could find! wups! another temptation brought to you by me! hahahaha! =P

what do i have to tell? well, if i were to tell something substantial, i could say a lot. A lot has happened, too many revelations, and too many shocking ones to accept. Well, not Korsi's, I was actually expecting something like that to happen in the future since last sem, but i guess the future is now... So it wasn't after all shocking but I'm just surprised of the timing, i am just glad that now she's happier. =)

As for me, well, God laid choices in front of me. I'm currently on a crossroad, wondering what lies ahead. I could see obscure images, I just couldn't tell. I do not know which to believe and how to move on. There were some things that I somehow know what they are, my mind says accept but my heart says to vomit them out. I do not know who to believe, if i'd side with one, i might be unruly to the other. But either way, I somehow lose out. And this boils down to risk. But I'm not the type. God knows how I wanted to risk but I fear of losing out. I have lost many battles without a fight because I didn't know and didn't want to.

It's hard and its hurting. I can see possible truths and yes, they're happening in front of my face. The worse things can only be happening. I want to feel numb but I'm not. Nevertheless, I'm not freaking out. Thank God.

I believe that He has foreseen this and so has prepared me that's why I did not frantically tell the world what was going wrong or at least what appears to have gone wrong. I know not exactly what He plans for me, but I do trust Him and I'm coping well enough. I just wanted to blog this. At least in the future I won't forget that I have gone through this kind of phase in life when all the 'petty' realities you didn't want to know just went up to you, introducing themselves. As a civilized individual you accepted them, but they have no idea how much you wanted to burn them down or bury them alive. You are controlled and you know those things were wrong. A little more control will do, I guess... But if you were to make a pathetic decision, you would rather do otherwise. But then again, what can you really do? It is tough to just accept... Really tough...

I just came back from Dreams: Dance Uncensored... Well, I guess I expected so much, but over-all it was something not to miss, especially if you're the type who loves to dance. I did like some KR dances, Xiaoyuan was good as a dancer and choreographer! Geez, somehow I wanted to tell them that I wanted to dance with them next year. But what kind of face should I show them, now that I have shown uncommitment? Anyway, dance is passion. It is beautiful. I know somehow I'll find my way back there again, maybe not next year.

Wheeze! long stuff!

I'm glad Eunice and her friend (wups forgot the name) visited me... And yes, another reality slapped me to the face. But this reality was somehow required of me and is urgent. I also did not want to accept it, but it is more proper to do so and it must be done. It involves very high risk, but then again, risky is a relative term. When you speak of the Lord, and talk about real risk, the risk that I'm about to commit is nothing compared to the risk of suffering eternally. My risk is nothing but another fear that has to be subdued anyhow. I want to lie flattend. I want to be hammered coz I feel like I'm one but I cannot and must not be. The Lord will always be here for me. With His sevenfold intensified Spirit, He shall reveal to me what gazillions more to be revealed. And that means more slaps on my possibly nearly swollen face.

"But my Lord, I'm not sure if I'm prepared... In Your time, let them be!"


Carpe Diem!  ¶ 10:11 PM