Monday, November 22, 2004
HER.... an offal?...
Sometimes I wonder what she really is meant for...
I do not know whether the impulsive desire of doing the thing she has always wanted to do is part of my Lord's plans for her. Its just simply innate, and no matter how she tries to practise manners opposing to what it naturally is (based on the world's definition), she is still bent to express awe whenever she encounters it. I do not know...
She perfectly knows that there is something burning within her. For 18 years, it was always there, and after 18 years she couldn't be possibly mistaken to identify what it is... Or maybe she was wrong all along... But she feels it... Yes she does...
She's sensitive... and she's ambivalent about such a gift for sometimes, if not most of the time, it torments her. It's a curse to a sinful creature. But what is she? She felt the change in the atmosphere with a brother and yet she acts like nothing happened. She doesn't want to open up this time. She is running away. She's afraid of the uncertainty... She does not trust my Lord fully. But I believe in my Lord's time, she will learn it. But for now... I also don't know...
She feels lost. She doesn't know if she's trusting too much or if she has been opening up too much. Lately, she leaves nothing for herself. And it seems like such a change is accompanied by spontaneous mishaps... What good does it give her? Or is this the price of freedom resulting from her living in truth?
She loved loneliness but now she pulled herself out...WAY OUT... Away from the world she thought was just made for her. Because my Lord said it wasn't proper so she sacrificed her contentment... Indeed it wasn't proper, but she does not fully understand.
Sometimes I pity her. Sometimes I loath her. But I love her...
Why oh why? she feels she's suffering but she is not. She knows the most important reason to be joyful but she is not. She does not understand. How is she worth of my Lord's love? That, she does not know, and I do not understand as well...
She is a dirt... nothing like it... a trash, unclean and weak... perhaps, filled with pretensions only to end up fooling herself... woe to her!
My Lord, My Lord, show her Your joy. Show her the things that really matter... My Lord, My Lord, help my friend... Deliver my foe... Save my enemy... Show her what eternity really means for she can't see, she can't feel... She simply cannot... But You can oh Lord, and You will... For You are gracious and compassionate... You are wonderful and she is nothing.
¶ 8:21 PM
I do not know whether the impulsive desire of doing the thing she has always wanted to do is part of my Lord's plans for her. Its just simply innate, and no matter how she tries to practise manners opposing to what it naturally is (based on the world's definition), she is still bent to express awe whenever she encounters it. I do not know...
She perfectly knows that there is something burning within her. For 18 years, it was always there, and after 18 years she couldn't be possibly mistaken to identify what it is... Or maybe she was wrong all along... But she feels it... Yes she does...
She's sensitive... and she's ambivalent about such a gift for sometimes, if not most of the time, it torments her. It's a curse to a sinful creature. But what is she? She felt the change in the atmosphere with a brother and yet she acts like nothing happened. She doesn't want to open up this time. She is running away. She's afraid of the uncertainty... She does not trust my Lord fully. But I believe in my Lord's time, she will learn it. But for now... I also don't know...
She feels lost. She doesn't know if she's trusting too much or if she has been opening up too much. Lately, she leaves nothing for herself. And it seems like such a change is accompanied by spontaneous mishaps... What good does it give her? Or is this the price of freedom resulting from her living in truth?
She loved loneliness but now she pulled herself out...WAY OUT... Away from the world she thought was just made for her. Because my Lord said it wasn't proper so she sacrificed her contentment... Indeed it wasn't proper, but she does not fully understand.
Sometimes I pity her. Sometimes I loath her. But I love her...
Why oh why? she feels she's suffering but she is not. She knows the most important reason to be joyful but she is not. She does not understand. How is she worth of my Lord's love? That, she does not know, and I do not understand as well...
She is a dirt... nothing like it... a trash, unclean and weak... perhaps, filled with pretensions only to end up fooling herself... woe to her!
My Lord, My Lord, show her Your joy. Show her the things that really matter... My Lord, My Lord, help my friend... Deliver my foe... Save my enemy... Show her what eternity really means for she can't see, she can't feel... She simply cannot... But You can oh Lord, and You will... For You are gracious and compassionate... You are wonderful and she is nothing.
¶ 8:21 PM
