Sunday, October 24, 2004
alarmed...
I'm basically under alarm. I don't know if this is paranoia or foresight or maybe some "sixth" sense but I have this feeling that I'm again going to be in trouble in some ways... One, another relationship with a fellow Christian, financial (i think most of us are) and studies...
well, the most alarming is another relationship with a fellow Christian... I think... Or I must have been playing around too much that I didn't bother what that person might think about my actions if taken in serious terms... i.e. that person might think i'm getting so immature or ridiculous because I'm taking things so easy or making some not funny jokes, or maybe i'm taking advantage ( which I swear to God, was not any one of my heart's intentions!)... I just want to enjoy life because things are getting too serious... I guess I just want to alleviate things by putting some shallow life above what has been going on... I know people face challenges and sufferings, and we are all, Christians or not, facing the same thing... So I understand why that person might think of me that way and even find me ludicrous! or so I think with a tinge of exaggeration ... oh well, this blog is just an outlet for this...
and because of that... Im here again, lost... For I don't know what step I should take next... I'm thinking of moving on, for the two of us must have fallen short somewhere, no need to consolidate because God will do it... but then... Proverbs 3:5-6... "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths"... there... trust... a hard thing when all doesn't SEEM right, but the Lord is my OVERSEER so I have to trust in Him for this thing , which I know, is beyond my control and I'm readilly giving up that I can't fix this on my own... and I hope to do so...
financial... Hmm... i have taken money lightly for it had DESTROYED my family before... God knows how traumatic it was for me (i doubt some people around me really knows how traumatic it was for a 12 year old girl, but oh well, God has a different plan for them) and understands why I'm like this... But then, in budgetting money, I have taken that trauma way too far that I never care and I just want to give it all away.. Like money would never be my concern, or I wont let my money limit me from doing things that might please myself and also God... But then, haha, the light concern, with a bit of selfishness is now coming back to me... To this pennyless state, where I have to ask money from my mom again... Stupid of me to realize just now that I'm making the money situation hard for my family and maybe push them to do something not nice at all! ALARM! ALARM! Sometimes, I want to say, heck with people who tells me that money is important and that time is gold. They value money and forget the purpose of having them! They just amass their wealth, and forget the point why they should have them. They overlook the reason why God blessed them with those... but well, I don't know and I don't want to talk about it either, it's their life, I don't want to be too nosey... I don't like money matters... I just don't like how people treat money in their lives. I don't like the fact that many loved money! The love for many is the root of many evils! (oh well. another effect brought to you by, my traumatic history!) but then... in my alarming financial situation, I have no choice again but to trust God in whatever would happen. Hebrews 13:5 -->" He will never leave me nor forsake me"... And this time, I better learn!
I hope to find work though and maybe save some money for future rainy days if God permits. But I do pray for it and well, I hope that people may also pray it for me... =)
Studies... well, I see people around me studying... But I was inspired by someone, who, takes God first even over studying! She attends group meetings even knowing that the finals are drawing near... She only studies once a week, Wednesday night, because the rest of the days either she got church services or groups meetings so she's busy for the Lord and not for studies, remarkably SHE'S A DL! and yeah, she emphasized that even during the reading week, she still attended meetings and didn't dare miss one! She became a Christian by choice a little less earlier than I did (in terms of age--> sec 2), and it's remarkable and admirable that she has this zeal and trust in the Lord... I admire her, I wish I could do something similar, not for thinking that I will be a DL also but for the point that we don't have to drown ourselves with studies and forget about God, and even later blame Him for our bad results... Reminds me about a millionaire seminar guy once told us in a seminar (obviously =) ); he said that a degree in college is just a ticket to your first job, and everything else will have to do on how you take the opportunities and act during and after it... because obviously, many topnotchers are working for companies while many normal college students are millionaires (i.e. that seminar guy, bill gates--> even a kick out) because they know how to handle opportunities and DO NOT KNOW how to give up! So even though studies may turn out so bad, the Lord still loves me, my family still loves me, and I know I still have hope as long as the Lord still allows me to live! and Isaiah 40:31 "for those who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint." I think I shouldn't be that alarmed but I still have to act!
So... I'll leave to the Lord whatever happens... Of course, I will do what I can for studying and I will try to do it for Him... But I won't overdo studying to the point that I will neglect Him. No! I will also try not to miss meetings that could glorify His name... Although, I'm still contemplating whether I could really do these things, one thing is for sure, I will allow God to slowly change me to the person He wants me to be... I may be doing some "eating my words" stuff, but I'll make it my choice that as much as possible I'll stick to what I've said... Nobody's perfect (else that person should be physically dead because God has finished His work in him/her...hehehe... isn't it nice, to die physically and live with the Lord forever? away from all the sufferings this fallen world offers? but as for the living, we should hold on to God's promise that He will finish his work on us, and that the Lord will reclaim His inheritance, us Christians, in the time of His glory) but we should never give up trying to be perfect!
It is funny that some people fear death and some do not... but the wonderful observation is, fear of death is more prevalent among Non-Christians because they do not have the hope and the promises of God to hold on to. If we love God, we ought to have this burden of sharing the hope and God's wonderful promises to others! Besides, in Psalms 145:13b, God is faithful to His promises! I'll check myself with this too... ;)
God bless!
¶ 9:54 PM
well, the most alarming is another relationship with a fellow Christian... I think... Or I must have been playing around too much that I didn't bother what that person might think about my actions if taken in serious terms... i.e. that person might think i'm getting so immature or ridiculous because I'm taking things so easy or making some not funny jokes, or maybe i'm taking advantage ( which I swear to God, was not any one of my heart's intentions!)... I just want to enjoy life because things are getting too serious... I guess I just want to alleviate things by putting some shallow life above what has been going on... I know people face challenges and sufferings, and we are all, Christians or not, facing the same thing... So I understand why that person might think of me that way and even find me ludicrous! or so I think with a tinge of exaggeration ... oh well, this blog is just an outlet for this...
and because of that... Im here again, lost... For I don't know what step I should take next... I'm thinking of moving on, for the two of us must have fallen short somewhere, no need to consolidate because God will do it... but then... Proverbs 3:5-6... "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths"... there... trust... a hard thing when all doesn't SEEM right, but the Lord is my OVERSEER so I have to trust in Him for this thing , which I know, is beyond my control and I'm readilly giving up that I can't fix this on my own... and I hope to do so...
financial... Hmm... i have taken money lightly for it had DESTROYED my family before... God knows how traumatic it was for me (i doubt some people around me really knows how traumatic it was for a 12 year old girl, but oh well, God has a different plan for them) and understands why I'm like this... But then, in budgetting money, I have taken that trauma way too far that I never care and I just want to give it all away.. Like money would never be my concern, or I wont let my money limit me from doing things that might please myself and also God... But then, haha, the light concern, with a bit of selfishness is now coming back to me... To this pennyless state, where I have to ask money from my mom again... Stupid of me to realize just now that I'm making the money situation hard for my family and maybe push them to do something not nice at all! ALARM! ALARM! Sometimes, I want to say, heck with people who tells me that money is important and that time is gold. They value money and forget the purpose of having them! They just amass their wealth, and forget the point why they should have them. They overlook the reason why God blessed them with those... but well, I don't know and I don't want to talk about it either, it's their life, I don't want to be too nosey... I don't like money matters... I just don't like how people treat money in their lives. I don't like the fact that many loved money! The love for many is the root of many evils! (oh well. another effect brought to you by, my traumatic history!) but then... in my alarming financial situation, I have no choice again but to trust God in whatever would happen. Hebrews 13:5 -->" He will never leave me nor forsake me"... And this time, I better learn!
I hope to find work though and maybe save some money for future rainy days if God permits. But I do pray for it and well, I hope that people may also pray it for me... =)
Studies... well, I see people around me studying... But I was inspired by someone, who, takes God first even over studying! She attends group meetings even knowing that the finals are drawing near... She only studies once a week, Wednesday night, because the rest of the days either she got church services or groups meetings so she's busy for the Lord and not for studies, remarkably SHE'S A DL! and yeah, she emphasized that even during the reading week, she still attended meetings and didn't dare miss one! She became a Christian by choice a little less earlier than I did (in terms of age--> sec 2), and it's remarkable and admirable that she has this zeal and trust in the Lord... I admire her, I wish I could do something similar, not for thinking that I will be a DL also but for the point that we don't have to drown ourselves with studies and forget about God, and even later blame Him for our bad results... Reminds me about a millionaire seminar guy once told us in a seminar (obviously =) ); he said that a degree in college is just a ticket to your first job, and everything else will have to do on how you take the opportunities and act during and after it... because obviously, many topnotchers are working for companies while many normal college students are millionaires (i.e. that seminar guy, bill gates--> even a kick out) because they know how to handle opportunities and DO NOT KNOW how to give up! So even though studies may turn out so bad, the Lord still loves me, my family still loves me, and I know I still have hope as long as the Lord still allows me to live! and Isaiah 40:31 "for those who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint." I think I shouldn't be that alarmed but I still have to act!
So... I'll leave to the Lord whatever happens... Of course, I will do what I can for studying and I will try to do it for Him... But I won't overdo studying to the point that I will neglect Him. No! I will also try not to miss meetings that could glorify His name... Although, I'm still contemplating whether I could really do these things, one thing is for sure, I will allow God to slowly change me to the person He wants me to be... I may be doing some "eating my words" stuff, but I'll make it my choice that as much as possible I'll stick to what I've said... Nobody's perfect (else that person should be physically dead because God has finished His work in him/her...hehehe... isn't it nice, to die physically and live with the Lord forever? away from all the sufferings this fallen world offers? but as for the living, we should hold on to God's promise that He will finish his work on us, and that the Lord will reclaim His inheritance, us Christians, in the time of His glory) but we should never give up trying to be perfect!
It is funny that some people fear death and some do not... but the wonderful observation is, fear of death is more prevalent among Non-Christians because they do not have the hope and the promises of God to hold on to. If we love God, we ought to have this burden of sharing the hope and God's wonderful promises to others! Besides, in Psalms 145:13b, God is faithful to His promises! I'll check myself with this too... ;)
God bless!
¶ 9:54 PM
